Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
