I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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