i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
