Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
