I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My life is pants optional.
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