it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
