Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
