You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
