He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
