Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
