Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
