i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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