And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
