imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
