just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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