Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
