I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
