everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
