As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
