i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
