my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
