oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
