ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
