I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
