OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
