Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
