She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
