I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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