That's intense
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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