i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
