okay pat passed out under dana's car
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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