Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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