I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
