last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
