just tell him i said nine months
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We had sex on a dog bed..
soo... how was my night?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
