so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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