Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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