Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
