I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
