DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
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