Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
