so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
