im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
