I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
