Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
