Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
