my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
