also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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