TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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