Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
