Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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