I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
