even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we're making bets on your personal life
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
