I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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